Gian Shows the Way

Gian Shows the Way

          It was a party thrown by a friend of mine. He was recently promoted, a long overdue, achieved through hard work, more than anything he was extremely happy about being acknowledged. The mood was jubilant. It was a closely held small group. Initial congratulations were followed by cheers which I joined with my sweet lime soda. The discussion invariably centered on his promotion and ensuing new responsibility. With every added responsibility comes increased stress, everybody agreed. Then one friend working in software company experiencing work stress as a routine simply pointed out it was a new way of life. Work pressure everybody has to deal with especially in private sector. My businessman friend was blunt in making a comment that if you want to make money you had to face work pressure, stress follows immediately. Being quiet for all this time I was listening to the discussion and giving my consent as well to whatever was coming out of it.

      All of a sudden focus shifted to me, they seemed to have realized that I was only nodding, nothing was added from me. They all turned to me with a sense that I was in the best of jobs with little tension. No worry. One even recalled my dialogue that in this profession the accountability was always with the other side and credit unshared. The better results were due primarily to teaching and poor performance was the result of lack of study on students’ part. This was how I once funnily talked about my profession; they were getting me on same line. I was a bit defensive but pointed out that it ultimately varies from person to person. You cannot become good teacher for it is a process of evolving as person, a nice human being and then only becoming eligible to be a good teacher. Merely being able teach well is not enough but indeed it a precondition. He has to have an honest sense in him to always look in the best interest of students.  

   Indeed the stress levels here are different, it is often moral pressure, highly intimate, very difficult to share and even less understood. It has to be handled differently. Not everybody experiences this but every good teacher does. After so many years I feel I am not even halfway mark. Statement finished, I had successfully defended my profession. I made my point that being a good teacher was difficult. May be the reason why they are hard to find. Everybody was silent I felt I had pushed them into boredom. With little guilt I wanted the party to hang on for a while, so maintaining a smiling face I made my final point that everybody has to handle pressure, the question is how better you do it? The topic shifted smoothly to less serious level, jokes cracked, lighter moments shared. The end came on a happier note.  

      With sweet lime soda inside I had no problem next morning of hang over but somewhere deep within discussion on stress resided. Anything we find hard to do is stressful, true physically as well as mentally. Irrespective of any profession it is a common line joining everybody. This stress often manifests in the form of anger. Once angry we react, do not respond. The spontaneity of anger is uncontrollable. Only after our reaction is over, anger subsided we know what we did. We also have a sense of justifying the act attributing it to anger. As we all experience, anger never solves the problem in fact it is counterproductive, it often makes a dent in relationships.

     Couple of days went by, the party and tormenting discussion faded in memory. The daily routine helps you forget lot of things. Once you are onto the ride you live in immediate present. The signing muster, first lecture, third lecture, practical… Just no time to look back or beyond. But sometimes it is different. You simply miss your rhythm. The lecture seems to slip out of hand. You feel internally that everything is just messed up but cannot control. You are not at your best, that’s it, for apparently no reason or may be you are not able to fathom it. That day was just like that. The first lecture, the third one, I knew I was not enjoying it but couldn’t help. You also are not allowed to say that I have missed my rhythm and I need a break today, there simply is no provision for this. The victims undoubtedly …students. They have no other option but to sit and listen quietly. The danger being with his mind out of focus teacher is likely to overreact and resort to punishment.

     Desperate for the whole day I got back home, hoping to relax softly on sofa, watch evening news. You hardly pass a day when nothing happens; the breaking news is always on air. Silly, stupid, outrageous, funny, sordid, adorable, deplorable, sad, unfortunate… something is definitely there. I was hoping that it would get me out of deadlock. I wanted to find way out of that undefined boredom of the day. But my little daughter had different plans altogether. I just sat on sofa and was searching for ever eluding remote when she dashed in. Ensconced firmly herself on sofa, took out the remote just like magic wand, the show was on. She was in no mood to give up and forcing her to handover the remote to watch news was out of question for she was buying on a promise given by her mom. Exasperated I was started watching helplessly Doraemon.

      I was really angry otherwise the show was not that killing. That sweet little robot, innocent Nobita, funny big boy Gian, naughty Suneo, sweet Shizuka, there innocent pranks, smart, funny gadgets provided by Doraemon often providing sort of help to Nobita but he invariably messing it up. It is usually a fun but not that day. Waiting for a cup of tea I was reluctantly watching the show. Before tea could come Gian came running in, radiating anger. Pounding his fist, pointing it to others started saying he was angry and must hit somebody. For no fault of theirs, just to quell his anger they have to face the punches. He being unchallenged boss physically others expecting raining blows from him simply ran berserk. My anger doubled. What is this nonsense they are showing? Telling children to hit somebody when angry or that’s the way to subside anger. I had no answers for they elude you when enraged.

      I don’t know how but a simple question crept in can you do it like Gian, hitting when angry … no…but telling that you are angry and need to hit somebody? Yes… No… no easy answers came by. Just felt that it was impossible. Once angry you simply lose control. The spontaneity in anger is almost impossible to contain. Realizing that you are angry and telling others what you are on and that you need to hit punches to calm down is next to impossible, I felt. Is it really impossible… may be not… but when we do, it is not a reaction but our response. The response is calculated not spontaneous. If it is measured it is a sign of successful handling of anger whose origin is often stress, hidden deep within, residing incognito, feeding on failure to acknowledge and understand its presence. When we get angry the reason often is different not what is apparent. We actually crack internally, slowly, unknowingly over a period of time but react to a situation and get angry of seemingly frivolous reasons. If this is understood well enough then we get even with anger without violently reacting. A close observation reveals that erratic, short tempered people are often internally stressed, disturbed. The pressure within ultimately manifests through external bursts.

   Is it then possible to maintain internal calm to avoid blowing out externally?  It is difficult but not impossible. The difficulty really sinks in a kind of impossibility but knowing it is in itself a great idea. But question still remains how Gian could do it? Because he lives in present. No burden of past, no anxiety of future. Without any prejudices his heart is as pure and innocent as one can get. This purity and innocence enables him to know that he is angry, allows him to calculate his response as he needs to punch somebody to kill anger. Mature as we are we can choose our response differently. Even if we tell somebody about being angry with plain heart, deep honesty the anger would lose its bite. For a person like me labeled as short tempered, Gian shows the way. Is it not worth trying?