Gian Shows the Way
It was a party thrown by a friend of
mine. He was recently promoted, a long overdue, achieved through hard work, more
than anything he was extremely happy about being acknowledged. The mood was jubilant.
It was a closely held small group. Initial congratulations were followed by
cheers which I joined with my sweet lime soda. The discussion invariably centered
on his promotion and ensuing new responsibility. With every added responsibility
comes increased stress, everybody agreed. Then one friend working in software
company experiencing work stress as a routine simply pointed out it was a new
way of life. Work pressure everybody has to deal with especially in private
sector. My businessman friend was blunt in making a comment that if you want to
make money you had to face work pressure, stress follows immediately. Being
quiet for all this time I was listening to the discussion and giving my consent
as well to whatever was coming out of it.
All of
a sudden focus shifted to me, they seemed to have realized that I was only
nodding, nothing was added from me. They all turned to me with a sense that I
was in the best of jobs with little tension. No worry. One even recalled my dialogue
that in this profession the accountability was always with the other side and
credit unshared. The better results were due primarily to teaching and poor
performance was the result of lack of study on students’ part. This was how I
once funnily talked about my profession; they were getting me on same line. I
was a bit defensive but pointed out that it ultimately varies from person to
person. You cannot become good teacher for it is a process of evolving as
person, a nice human being and then only becoming eligible to be a good
teacher. Merely being able teach well is not enough but indeed it a
precondition. He has to have an honest sense in him to always look in the best interest
of students.
Indeed the
stress levels here are different, it is often moral pressure, highly intimate,
very difficult to share and even less understood. It has to be handled
differently. Not everybody experiences this but every good teacher does. After
so many years I feel I am not even halfway mark. Statement finished, I had
successfully defended my profession. I made my point that being a good teacher was
difficult. May be the reason why they are hard to find. Everybody was silent I
felt I had pushed them into boredom. With little guilt I wanted the party to
hang on for a while, so maintaining a smiling face I made my final point that everybody
has to handle pressure, the question is how better you do it? The topic shifted
smoothly to less serious level, jokes cracked, lighter moments shared. The end
came on a happier note.
With
sweet lime soda inside I had no problem next morning of hang over but somewhere
deep within discussion on stress resided. Anything we find hard to do is
stressful, true physically as well as mentally. Irrespective of any profession
it is a common line joining everybody. This stress often manifests in the form
of anger. Once angry we react, do not respond. The spontaneity of anger is
uncontrollable. Only after our reaction is over, anger subsided we know what we
did. We also have a sense of justifying the act attributing it to anger. As we
all experience, anger never solves the problem in fact it is counterproductive,
it often makes a dent in relationships.
Couple of
days went by, the party and tormenting discussion faded in memory. The daily
routine helps you forget lot of things. Once you are onto the ride you live in immediate
present. The signing muster, first lecture, third lecture, practical… Just no
time to look back or beyond. But sometimes it is different. You simply miss
your rhythm. The lecture seems to slip out of hand. You feel internally that
everything is just messed up but cannot control. You are not at your best, that’s
it, for apparently no reason or may be you are not able to fathom it. That day
was just like that. The first lecture, the third one, I knew I was not enjoying
it but couldn’t help. You also are not allowed to say that I have missed my
rhythm and I need a break today, there simply is no provision for this. The
victims undoubtedly …students. They have no other option but to sit and listen
quietly. The danger being with his mind out of focus teacher is likely to
overreact and resort to punishment.
Desperate for the whole day I got back home,
hoping to relax softly on sofa, watch evening news. You hardly pass a day when
nothing happens; the breaking news is always on air. Silly, stupid, outrageous,
funny, sordid, adorable, deplorable, sad, unfortunate… something is definitely there.
I was hoping that it would get me out of deadlock. I wanted to find way out of
that undefined boredom of the day. But my little daughter had different plans
altogether. I just sat on sofa and was searching for ever eluding remote when
she dashed in. Ensconced firmly herself on sofa, took out the remote just like
magic wand, the show was on. She was in no mood to give up and forcing her to
handover the remote to watch news was out of question for she was buying on a
promise given by her mom. Exasperated I was started watching helplessly Doraemon.
I was really angry otherwise the show was not
that killing. That sweet little robot, innocent Nobita, funny big boy Gian,
naughty Suneo, sweet Shizuka, there innocent pranks, smart, funny gadgets
provided by Doraemon often providing sort of help to Nobita but he invariably messing
it up. It is usually a fun but not that day. Waiting for a cup of tea I was
reluctantly watching the show. Before tea could come Gian came running in,
radiating anger. Pounding his fist, pointing it to others started saying he was
angry and must hit somebody. For no fault of theirs, just to quell his anger
they have to face the punches. He being unchallenged boss physically others
expecting raining blows from him simply ran berserk. My anger doubled. What is
this nonsense they are showing? Telling children to hit somebody when angry or that’s
the way to subside anger. I had no answers for they elude you when enraged.
I don’t
know how but a simple question crept in can you do it like Gian, hitting when
angry … no…but telling that you are angry and need to hit somebody? Yes… No… no
easy answers came by. Just felt that it was impossible. Once angry you simply
lose control. The spontaneity in anger is almost impossible to contain. Realizing
that you are angry and telling others what you are on and that you need to hit
punches to calm down is next to impossible, I felt. Is it really impossible…
may be not… but when we do, it is not a reaction but our response. The response
is calculated not spontaneous. If it is measured it is a sign of successful
handling of anger whose origin is often stress, hidden deep within, residing
incognito, feeding on failure to acknowledge and understand its presence. When
we get angry the reason often is different not what is apparent. We actually
crack internally, slowly, unknowingly over a period of time but react to a
situation and get angry of seemingly frivolous reasons. If this is understood
well enough then we get even with anger without violently reacting. A close
observation reveals that erratic, short tempered people are often internally
stressed, disturbed. The pressure within ultimately manifests through external
bursts.
Is it then
possible to maintain internal calm to avoid blowing out externally? It is difficult but not impossible. The
difficulty really sinks in a kind of impossibility but knowing it is in itself a
great idea. But question still remains how Gian could do it? Because he lives
in present. No burden of past, no anxiety of future. Without any prejudices his
heart is as pure and innocent as one can get. This purity and innocence enables
him to know that he is angry, allows him to calculate his response as he needs
to punch somebody to kill anger. Mature as we are we can choose our response
differently. Even if we tell somebody about being angry with plain heart, deep
honesty the anger would lose its bite. For a person like me labeled as short
tempered, Gian shows the way. Is it not worth trying?
