The Toss

The Toss

      

            Yes, we were at that area again, around the dining table, relaxed after the dinner but in the excited state because the topic was the trip we may possibly have in the coming Christmas holidays. After the dinner it was the galaxy of the great travelers who plan more and travel less, gathered around the table. Everybody came with own submission of plans. Suggestions, discussions, google search, call to an acquaintance that happened to have visited the place. He came up with some additional inputs. Everybody had a suggestion, proposed destination, proper justification, emotional association, no wonder all was discussed, travel plan, sojourn, and yes the shopping….. can a tour plan however meticulous it may be, be complete without shopping chart? 

     The glorious uncertainty about the planning is that there is no guarantee  it will materialize. The great plans about going to tourist places and dream of great enjoyment often terminate abruptly at Chandrapur owing to the unforeseen, never imagined, unwanted but inescapable situations leaving no option but to surrender and of course invite the wrath of stakeholders. The beauty of these discussions is that even though the  rate of achieving the goal is not good, the rate at which the plans get halted indefinitely without even take off is high, still we are not tired of planning. Anybody can play the spoil sport, some emergency, some unwanted work,….anybody can just pierce a needle through the balloon and we then are left with no option but to scuttle the holiday plan ensuing despair but again waiting for the next round table conference.

      This time also we did it…..the plan. I decided to cross the biggest hurdle. Reservations!!!. Getting a berth in the railway in the holiday season is as difficult as getting the cabinet berth. The entire planning can simply descend to ravine if the railway reservations are not available. All are eager to travel but not without the reservations for travelling otherwise, that too with family, is an absolute nightmare. The packed coaches, the flock around T.T., … difficult to manage…honestly, I am weak at it. For me it’s better to try a hand at booking counter at the first opportunity.  

        I was standing in the long queue at the railway reservation counter.  Barring some, almost all of our railway stations are in the close vicinity of dirt.  Outside I could see some children playing and some searching the garbage around for something saleable in the scrap market. A real time visit to Slumdog Millionaire!! I remembered coming out of the theater after watching the Oscar winning movie ‘Slumdog Millionaire’, absolutely stunned by the horrifying, surreal depiction of life at slums. Most of us have an idea of the conditions there but the chilling remainder the movie gives us about poverty, vulnerability of those children comes as a rude shock; the portrait tries to sensitize us to the hope and aspirations of the people there.

     I also remembered the discussion about the tendency of the foreign directors in portraying our poverty, encashing on the generated sympathy. The other opinion being the acceptance of the reality and more importantly mere depiction of a slum did not show us in bad light but what was unfortunate was that after so many years we failed to bridge the gap. More than anything it was the insensitivity of decision makers that was reflected there, thought I. The announcement of the arrival of the train prompted them to run to the platform. They seemed to be in a hurry to catch the opportunity of begging.

      But I was in the different mood altogether. Yesterday the drama that unfolded on a news channel after revelations by Vinod Kambli, and a hint at match fixing, was very much on my mind. His allegations took me down the memory lane. We all were upbeat, India in the semi-final, one barrier to clear, enter in the final and recreate the magic of 1983, lift the cup. We almost were having dreams, our captain lifting the cup, the whole India celebrating. But it was not destined to happen. As the match began with the toss, we started praying, all Gods requested, all religions were equal, we left nobody, we wanted the toss to be won. All were confident, win the toss, elect to bat and won the match, as simple as that. Moreover most experts predicted the possible turn the pitch might get, probable difficulty in batting second. The coin was tossed. A pause followed, we all shouted with the toss won but were stunned to hear the decision to bowl first.

     What followed when we batted was suicidal display of poor batting. Our disappointment after the loss of India to the Shri Lankan team at the semifinal of the world cup at the Eden garden was hard to forget. As most of Indians I cursed the Indian captain for opting to bowl first after winning the toss. Considering the condition of the pitch most pundits had the opinion of batting first, he seemed to have defied logic. My dream of watching India in the final was crushed. I was even tempted to think of the foul play. The images of disillusionment took a firm grip over my mind. The real culprit, the toss, put me in the whirlwind of imagination, the chance that we failed to capitalize on, fair play….or we all suspected …fixing?

   The Kambli drama forced me to revisit that day, full of anguish. The entire episode was played over and over again, Kambli crying then on ground, now in studio, so much for his sensitivity. The channel tried its best to stir the controversy. Suddenly I woke up from my long stretch of imagination. A soft touch at back of my forehand did it. Before I turned around a little boy must be 7 years came forward touching and begging for money. It was not the first time that I saw a beggar at railway station but he was different. The clothes challenged the limits of dirtiness and so was his body. Lack of bathing in living conditions full of filth had taken its toll. Obnoxious odour was emanating from him. Misery, poverty, hunger was written all over his face. His eyes poignantly pointed to his suffering, pain and exploitation. Inhuman living conditions were oozing out there; moreover it was a window showing the most unpleasant world from close quarter. I felt ashamed of my mind, which was engrossed in the toss that cost us the match, and here was a boy whom a coin from me would make a big difference in calming the stomach.

     I gave him two-rupee coin. He turned away and I turned in satisfaction. I was experiencing the contentment. I was not in any way responsible for the dirt he was living in, the life he was dumped in, on the outer ring of society, without any amenities. Repressive, brutal but I belonged to the privileged class, not affluent but with enough to lead a decent life. Why I was having a sense of satisfaction? Was that because of a kind of guilt, not in self-explanatory domain? A coin donated. A proud feel of being a donor, subtle, thin covered my ‘self’. Self-satisfaction gripped me. A sense of playing a role in partially reducing his misery touched me. It was as if I found the solution, though limited to me, to his poverty.

       Came my turn, got my tickets and left for backward journey out of the station. Happy at getting the reservation, satisfied with myself for being a donor, a philanthropist of sort and above all with divine fulfillment I was walking back. I just looked to the left side casually. I saw the coin going up, that miserable boy, whom I gave a coin, was at it, happily tossing it up, running with alacrity to join a group of young boys aged 7-8 gambling near a pile of garbage. Shock, disappointment, frustration killed my donor’s contentment. That simple toss tossed up the way I thought about begging children and compelled me to search for better options to address to their yet undefeated misery. 

A Media Deficit

 A  Media Deficit

      

       The Lokpal movement of Team Anna and in fact all of us are nearing a decisive turn. Whatever happens in parliament and then to the movement onwards, the life is not going to be easy for the people from media but at the same time it may merit the attention of us to the critical analysis of the role media has played in the unfolding drama. Lot has already been said about the overdrive the live media went into in giving coverage to the agitation. But what about the print media, was the print media fair in reporting the movement? Also whether the live media truly backed the movement or just cashed on the movement to improve TRP rating? Was this media sincere, serious in reporting or just was busy creating the hype around Jantarmantar. The analysis is necessary because in the democracy the role of the media in shaping the opinion of the country which may or may not translate in the ballot boxes that can turn the polity upside down.

      Right from the beginning the print media was against the team Anna movement. I have been following at least three newspapers, all were against team Anna. I don’t remember even a single article questioning the political system that failed to pass the Lokpal bill, not the ultimate and the only solution but a step in the direction of making the corrupt accountable to their crime. The questions were never raised about the immoral, undemocratic behavior of the members of parliament be it in cash for vote scam or horse trading or not allowing the tabling of the women reservation bill. As soon as the agitation began print media was unusually sharp in suspecting the response it might possibly get from the people of India. As the movement gathered momentum, response poured in, the news papers were inundated with the articles questioning claim of the movement of being the voice of the people.

       The favorite tag almost all the print media was eager to pin was a page three middle class movement that does not represent the voice of the people who are excluded in the development. They were easily labeled as the candle wielding groups who seek solace in gathering at gateway of India for the issues not so much affecting the poor people of country. And the argument that this class claims the moral high ground in pointing the fingers at the govt. but never there, when it comes to sharing the responsibility as a citizen. They don’t vote; take it as a holiday and so on. Honestly there is some truth in it but such people are in all classes, then why target middle class. Is it because they are more aware of their rights? Better educated? It was as if the support of this class to this agitation had no echoes in the deprived class. The larger question is why they looked at the picture with so much of negativity? Why no focus on the issue? Did the presence of a particular class dilute the gravity of the corruption? Print media did not take this line.

         A closer glance at the assessment reveals the carefully crafted, blatantly painted picture of middle class that whole heartedly supported the movement. The middle class is always accused of being idle even indifferent to be on the street when it comes to the social cause. As part of the unions they are excellent in holding entire country for ransom for the perennial demand of pay hikes with minimum workload, they will burn the roads through marches but as an individual participating in a social movement is often not on the agenda. It changed when we saw the middle class outraged, mobilized hitting the streets in the Priyadarshani Mattoo murder case, then in the fight for the justice in Nitish Katara murder case. They were trend setters and the class with upward mobility started gathering at various places in metros, protesting, lighting candles in the memory of deceased in terrorist attacks. What’s wrong in this? Is it because some of them belonged to page three? Some celebrities might have had a ride on the wave of sympathy but can anybody deny the reality that it built the pressure on the system that was bent on denying the justice to these families.

        In the anticorruption movement print media first spun the web around middle class. As the support swelled they shifted the target area to preservation of democratic set up. The entire movement that was non-political was painted as being anti-democracy. Have anybody heard anything against democracy, the parliamentary system? What the men in charge there were questioning was the sincerity of the political establishment in institutionalizing a system that would rein in corruption in corridors of power. The unprecedented anger boiling in the society due to the exposure of series of scandals, the common factor being the collusion of those in power, burst at Jantarmantar. No doubt some of the rhetoric could have been avoided but the shameless approach of the establishment in condoning, looking the other way when plunder of national assets was running full swing smashed the image of political class. Why while scrutinizing the moral authority of the men in the movement, political establishment was rarely questioned?

     The assessment of the media about the middle class and the movement is open to discussion but can anybody deny that it was constructed on regressive note?  Why so anti team Anna line? Almost all the columnists, politicians as guest writers failed to appreciate the positives of the movement. Those politicians who behaved most undemocratically in parliament were eloquently writing about the traditions, sanctity of the parliament. The news papers failed to expose this duplicity. There can be no delusion about the Lokpal, not being the sole savior in this corrupt scenario but more than providing the credible alternative to the Janlokpal the govt. always seemed to be on war path or attempting to discredit the Janlokpal. Why print media was loath to comment on this? It did not challenge the political class on these anomalies. Those who jumped on the so called revelations about the members of team Anna, attempting to put them to trial in the media on frivolous charges were not put to question by the media for diverting the attention from larger and more important issue of anticorruption, and also on how those cases suddenly surfaced. Let the truth prevail but focus must not be shifted from the bill, was not the line most papers adopted.

     Why print media is so much biased against the anticorruption movement? A little peep into the business of newspaper gives a different picture. Gone are the days when newspapers were started to educate people, today its only business. Almost all news papers run with the budget of hundreds of crores. The govt. has control over paper, advertisements and also has the power to arm twist potential advertisers to reduce the revenues, may be the reason we generally don’t find anti-establishment line, moreover some big print media houses are aligned to major political parties. How can these papers take a line that is against the party their masters are affiliated to? Which news paper is ready to compromise its interests for the sake of fair projection of a crusade? This is an irreparable scene. The caution is not to form the opinion based on one news paper. We must take the second opinion but final judgment must be left to our own discretion. From paid news to planted stories to perverted opinion, the print media is all scattered, there are balanced voices but are not loudly heard.

     The live media runs on TRP. In the competition they will do all insane things to retain viewership. They are ready to go for overkill just for it. The coverage was good but the frivolity could have been avoided for it only induced the suspicion that they only wanted to build and cash on the wave of popular sentiments, leaving them open for manipulation. Apart from some serious debates and discussions I am sure all of you will agree that they failed to create an environment where people tuned to them to learn about the pros and cons of the bill. Once the die rolled in favour of team Anna they just caved in. We only saw discussion with political orientation. But the credit is definitely due to them for taking the cause to remote corners of country.

    This media is also not free from committing damaging lapses. The Radia tapes exposed the active involvement of some prominent figures in the print as well as live media in using their influence in the govt. for specific purposes obviously not the social cause. These channels are also run with the huge budgets. Apart from some respectable exceptions the overall quality of the reporting is poor, and analysis horrifying. The responsible coverage and quality analysis is terribly missing from the media. The overzealous channels resorting to breaking news of no significance, occasionally wrong, presents a funny but on more serious note damaging picture as to how we have been squandering the freedom of media bestowed upon us by our constitution.

    The new significant media is internet. It still is in infancy but has the potential of mobilizing the people as has happened in anticorruption movement. The world witnessed the role of social networking sites in revolutions in Arab world. Now the discussion has shifted to can internet shape policy? Can a leader emerge from this? It is too early to comment. In our country the internet users are growing but still they are not significant in number. There are facebook users who are freely expressing themselves sometimes even crossing the barrier of decency. We have to admit that they can spread news, share views but cannot help shape the opinion. This role can be played by bloggers.

     We have bloggers but either they are celebrities or insignificant freelancers, add to it our tendency to focus on who is writing than what is being written. A brilliant idea, interpretation may die because it came from a non distinguished writer but a tweet about a gossip may well spread like a wild fire. Our internet is used more for free expression, not much for the in depth analysis, innovative idea exchange, but it is going to change as more and more young people are using it in novel ways. Our bloggers must establish themselves as quality writers who don’t resort to copy-paste. The onus is now on those who want to use this media for writing freely. The better they write and more join them, faster the community will grow and closer we will come in exploiting the gains of free internet.  As we mature in developing a chain of bloggers for balanced analysis, forum for discussion, the situation will change. People are already using facebook not just for updating the status but also for sharing good information, rest assured quality information will also be shared. It has been proved time and again that the internet cannot be censored, it will always remain free. In India we have a media deficit; question is who is going to fill it? Are we ready to contribute to the quality information, analysis? Are we going to write freely, share generously? Are more and more writers going to occupy the e-space with analytical, critical articles? When we do we will be seriously taken by establishment. When many turn up single blogs will not be armtwisted.

We have celebrities who are bloggers but will bloggers become celebrities?

A challenge we have, are we going to stand up to it?

   

A Lesson From Homework

 A Lesson From Homework

      

       It is such a wonderful feeling watching proudly as a father, the two lovely daughters growing up. Their every prank is a memory to cherish. Our eldest daughter Nidhi was born in Diwali on Dhanteras, considered an auspicious day for monetary gain. People usually buy gold on the day as a good omen for prosperity through year. I don’t remember what I gained monetarily after that but certainly she filled our life with immeasurable joy transcending monetary considerations. She remained our focus, a single point attention and of course our concern, fear. When Sanhita was born one of my relatives spontaneously said it should have been a baby boy but we were very much happy and extremely content with a girl with sharp features and beautiful oceanic shades in eyes. We immediately felt humble and fortunate, thanking Almighty for blessing us with the girl not just one but two.

        It is now a great fun with Sanhita graduating to a naughtier level as compared to Nidhi. She always takes Nidhi for a ride, wants her to share everything but when it’s her turn she sits on the decision often to the anger of Nidhi. I so enjoy all this that I just don’t want to interfere, expect Nidhi to solve the conflict of interest as even a small problem is a big issue for both. Being elder comes with some unwanted sacrifices, a reason for the sound and fury emanating from Nidhi. Sanhita has a knack of putting her desires, wishes in smarter manner, and we, especially I succumbing happily. What we denied to Nidhi, Sanhita managed easily from me, like my pen. She just comes, radiating sugar coated charmed innocence and requests very politely, if I would allow her to use it for a while, difficult to say no to such requests, she walks away more often with everything of her wish, leaving Nidhi fuming, giving my better half an opportunity to inform me about how easily she has blackmailed me emotionally, and alerting me about what may possibly lie ahead.

     With all the fun in growing up comes the weight of school bag on shoulder not that ready to take the burden. Early morning hurry, time usually moving faster than expected, the bus, autoriksha coming a bit earlier and girls searching for socks, some books outside school bag, unpolished shoes, blame it on load shading but wrinkles on uniform.. the list is long, the material full of dynamite to test our patience. To add to the woes of poor parents, the school feels that the best way to challenge the imagination of parents is to give numerous projects to children. These projects take nightmarish turn when there is a miscommunication or mismatch in what is being told by teacher and what children want and worse what is available in the market. So often in the parents-teacher meet I raised the issue, even noted in the register a request to lessen the burden of project and school bag. So far haven’t made any headway on this front but nevertheless feel lucky that we did not go through the nightmare of forcing a reluctant child to go to school. That is the ordeal we were not destined to appear for but other one in store tests our patience almost every day.

      Homework!!!!!..... is that ordeal. Nidhi is in seventh standard but still tries all the tricks in the book to avoid it, at least postpone for couple of hours. Come two holidays she will enjoy them fully, playing, watching TV and finally reconciling to the unavoidability and finishing it early morning before leaving for bus stop. Just feel she is the right candidate for engineering, remembering the scenes of students going to examination hall with a book (vbd) in hand, trying his/her best to memorize important points but with university results favouring the method, the scenes are multiplying. Sanhita has a different mindset altogether. As soon as the first letter is written in the copy while finishing her homework, she experiences terrible pain in her legs, all hard work of the day oozes out through her legs. As it gradually subsides, just when something appears on the copy, sharpener meets pencil, pencil begins to disappear. Three broken leads and finally sharp end, the story is endless. Pencil cut to size, comes back to work. Some letters appear on the copy, then hunt for eraser begins. When things are smooth this is the normal course, in the rough weather it is flat, big ‘no’ to homework. In parallel a topicless commentary is on, full throttle. 

         The weather is more often than not rough, not that the atmosphere is tense but is full of negativity. In a parent’s teacher meet we talked to her teacher, felt if there was some kind of insistence from school, our task would be easier. Her teacher told us that she was a shy and decent student, once she slightly pushed her for homework, she didn’t go out to play, kept to herself, she(teacher) felt bad. I realized she had placed proper fielding at school also. No pressure from school, freedom at home, the homework followed the pattern of ATKT, with full exemptions sometimes.

        Last year when in nursery, she was about to get down the stairs for school, I just checked her bag. I saw incomplete copy, told her that she should complete it today after coming home. Two steps down she wanted me to take that copy out. I did not get it completely, she again repeated, take it out, shocked, I asked why. She was prompt, her answer was, otherwise teacher would see it. I had to take it out. She went happily. I don’t know what she told her teacher, must have been something like I forgot it,….. what surprised me was the cool attitude with which she managed all this. At such a tender age she displayed such skills in telling lies. It repeated, not very often, later also.

      Just a week back, she could not complete the homework, so she insisted on not putting that copy into bag. I told her that teacher wouldn’t mind, it was not that you did nothing. You could promise that you would finish it next day. She was unconvinced. But then I was firm on inserting it in the bag without her knowledge. Down the stairs she cross checked with me, I just tried to evade the question, hurriedly took her to autoriksha. She again asked the same question. I didn’t answer directly; in fact I just could not tell her lie. She went to school as usual but not before pushing me in the pool of questions.

     Why I could not lie to her? Why I could not speak my mind, tell her the truth that I did put that copy in her bag? I knew, telling the truth meant taking the copy out. To keep it there it was simple, I just had to lie that I had not put the copy in but I couldn’t, I just tried to evade the question. Why? No answer came to fore. It was not as if I never resorted to prevarication. Though I am not known to tell blatant lies routinely, I do resort to it, I doubt who doesn’t, occasionally, for a reason or two but certainly never with malicious intent. I wonder except for the blessed few all of us tell lies, in fact most importantly we always have a reason to prevaricate. A closer look reveals that we have a tendency to justify such acts. We accept or convince ourselves to accept that it was inevitable, we had no other option, that was the only way we could have saved ourselves, we would otherwise have doomed our fortunes…. so on. The key point is even people who do it with nefarious designs, keep a justification for it, they may not share it but it does exist. Where? It’s deep inside the subconscious, close to heart, at a place difficult to see. Everybody is aware of it, some accept, some deny, again taking recourse to a lie.

       Not to disagree, it does become inevitable sometimes, not to justify one’s act, but may be for survival. We do it to hide our mistakes, one leads to another, worse we become habituated to it. Nothing of sort was with me, there was nothing sinful, not even harmful, so why I just couldn’t take a simple step, not damaging at all, just a small lie for her comfort. With answers not coming, I was not in the comfort zone. The incidents where I did tell lies started coming frame by frame along with associated rationale. All those humane imperfections, mistakes, errors of judgments, temptations were swirling in my mind. To add to the discomfort, entered the incidents when the lie got exposed, ensuing embarrassment. I could also see the faces who were masters of this art, who could tell lies without a blink, with lost credibility but no remorse and a brazen justification for every lie kept to themselves. I must admit that a slight, selfish undercurrent of arrogance of being a gentleman flowed internally that I did not lie even in the safest possible zone.

        I remembered the review of the book ‘Why We Lie’ by Dorothi Rowe, a writer of international acclaim, published in a news paper. I decided immediately to place an order on Flipkart.com, our own Amazon.com. Also recalled a similar discussion that began on a person, an incorrigible liar, in fact a master, in the discussion a friend of mine referred to a daily thought in a news paper,’ If you are truthful, you don’t have much  to remember.’ How true is this!!!!. Tell a lie, you have to remember it lifelong and a mountain of lies…..ohhh you have to carry the burden, heavier, increasing every day, haunting at times.

     The storm continued, memories moving…..and yes, I suddenly stumbled upon a simple lead, surprised how I missed it, may be because as we grow our intellectual prowess takes us away from simple, beautiful things in life. So many times most of us must have experienced, the incidents when we found it hardest to tell a lie………to our parents. You cannot do it. Not that we fear that they will pick the lie, instantly, which in fact is true but the guilt of doing it is highest, worse often they pretend to be normal in spite of picking it. They don’t say anything on the hurt we cause to them by doing this, and this is the most troubling factor. As you grow you realize they are the ones who love you most, hurting them like this, extremely difficult. You cannot lie to those who love you most. I got the answer, what the book will tell me, I don’t know but the lesson I learnt is you cannot lie to your children because they love you most. So simple and so easily lost in mundane affairs.

The other side is, our parents forgave us for our lies ……

But…….. our children will not.